Monday, January 15, 2024

The Voices of Australia


         After a five year absence I have returned to Australia, via the most oblique route I could orchestrate. I had other reasons for part of the journey which on the first night was not a success, from my chair. I should have been...better.

    The birds this morning were the cockatoos and the rainbow lorikeets. In California, all the birds are motley brown and have no voice. Here, each have their own unique voice, much like the people of Australia. Not surprising, I am having trouble with the Australian accent this trip that I've not had before.

    I hear the words but do not comprehend the message.

    I'm having to ask for the verbiage to be repeated second and third times.

    I no longer speak the language of my home.

    I am not even sure that there is a fit for me, here, anymore.


Monday, December 25, 2023

5500 Days



    A counterpart - another father, wrote yesterday that it is 2499 days since he last saw his children. I feel sorry for the man, he has endured more than I ever did.

    ...and then I did the math.

    This morning, Christmas day, it will be 5500 days since I last saw my children together. It was the last time I saw my youngest child, I saw my eldest child a couple of years later in circumstances where I thought that She would understand that there can be functionality after a divorce where both parents still work together for the benefit of their children.

    I gave my eldest too much credit, I didn't comprehend the curse that had been placed upon her, how her grandmother had done to her mother, so her mother was now doing to her.

    I looked at my own family also, how my grandparents, uncle and aunts, had done to my parents, and how my parents did with me. Turns out, the only one who was forthright with me about it, was the man at the center of it - my Father. I hadn't given my Father enough credit, and yet, I could fault him just as well.  He did not tell me until I was in his position, of what would come.

    2499 days have passed since Michael Brown last saw his children. 

    5500 days have passed since I last saw my youngest. Merry Christmas chickybabes. My Christmas wish for both of you is that I hope you are better than both your parents. 

Friday, November 10, 2023

Going Home


    Going home.

    I was once told you can never go home. You can never go back from whence you began. Early next year I will be returning to that which has haunted me since the day I left. But it is not home.

    It's just the place that I report to others as home, when in fact, it's just the general area where I grew up. It has nothing of that which a home has. Any more.

    Children. Parents. Christmas mornings waking with the family.

    Stolen from me early in my life, I attempted to regather the pieces, but I didn't know how, I couldn't put it back together again. (A phrase borrowed from a First Fan.) I lost it a second time, and after that, I did the best I could.

    I have found myself recently less at peace with what has happened and more at peace that it happened. I'm accountable for the wear and tear, and some of the breakages. But not the theft of the pieces.

Saturday, October 14, 2023

From the First Fan: Darkness, Signposts and an Eclipse



    In a recent conversation with a "first fan" (might even have been the first, first fan) they were talking about the darkness that has engulfed their life. Not the events, but the feeling that the events have left upon them.

    The same day, I received word from an "ally" who had received photographs of the children he has not seen in six years. The photographs were taken just prior to the last time that he saw his children, but not previously seen by him before. The were supplied by a "first fan" of his, an unknown person who had heard their story, and by chance, made an inquiry and found the photos. Found that which was not known to my "ally".

    With my "first fan" we were talking about darkness not being a degree of light, and they indicated that it was a feeling of insomnia and oppression. For me, it's a feeling of weight, a burden that is carried forward every single day.

    The first fan and I were talking and I began to think about signposts in my life, moments, where if I had gone one way instead of the other, I might now be where I am today. Signposts that you could backtrack to. I had originally thought there were but three (at most) of these moments in my life, and it turns out, that I was a moment for the first fan. That make the count four.

    The ally who received the photographs of this children, from an unknown ally, counts those photographs as signpost for him, he thinks about six or seven in total in his life.

    Seven moments spread over the course of 50 or more years that have led me to exactly where I am today. I could not have arrived here without all that alignment occurring at the exact moments that they did.

    In the United State today was a solar eclipse, an astronomical event that was calculated by the ancient Greeks thousands of years ago. Thousands of years of calculations down to a three minute event.

    A three minute event of darkness in the making...since the beginning of time.

    A signpost of darkness.

    Treat your signposts with respect. I have not.  

Tuesday, September 19, 2023

You Just Never Know


  I had a friend pass away late last year. He was someone who worked tirelessly in the community, and he certainly helped me. I joined his major project when I was but 20 years old and stayed with him for 20 years. He was a good man. He was my friend.

  The last time I saw him we had lunch while I was in Australia. We talked and he mentioned someone who was in his major project. I had looked for that person many times previously without success, and since his passing, had looked at least three times. Without success. 

  Three weeks ago I looked again and found them. I was duty bound to deliver the news once I confirmed that it was the person whom I knew. I'd hate to be delivering a death notice to the wrong person. We've talked and they have commented on my writing. 

  You just never know where the first fans are hiding. 


Sunday, September 3, 2023

It Is Not That I Haven't Written...


     It is not that I haven't written, it is that I haven't written what I have written about. 

     In the professional world, I recently had a move from a local position to a state position. I am still working through the nuances of working from home for the state position, whilst maintaining contact with my local position, which I am scheduled to return to after this secondment. 

    The battle of working for two "masters" at this time is a balance of diplomacy for both. 

    It has also meant that my coworkers at home are now fury four legged companions who casually report for work at the same time I do, drape themselves wherever they feel appropriate, and take a nap. 

    Australian Fathers Day is today, or rather was yesterday in Australia. I have not heard from my own daughters and probably never will.

    And something not worth blogging about. 

Sunday, June 18, 2023

My Wifes Ex Husband...In A Podcast






    On November 1, 2022,  Chicken Soup for the Soul  released their book in their series, My Wonderful Wacky Family. Contained within the story is my story of Joes, My Wifes Ex Husband. Joes story would later be turned into the Chicken Soup for the Soul Podcast.

    I present to you, a rerun of the podcast, of My Wifes Ex Husband, this Fathers Day weekend. 

   My Wifes Ex Husband In a Podcast.