It is
twelve years today since I last saw my youngest daughter, Sarah. At the time,
she was twelve years and thirteen days old. In a few weeks when Christmas arrives,
I will have not seen my Daughter for more than half of her life.
And what
atrocity occurred to warrant this segregation of Daughter and Father?
Her Mother
and I divorced.
Weeks
after our divorce, her Mother remarried, and later had a child with the other
man. Sarah became the “lost” child, as her Mother began to fabricate a life for
her new family. Apparently, unnoticed by her Mother, Sarah slipped into a life
of vice and crime, and like all divorced Fathers, I found out about it too late.
Upon learning of her situation, when I telephoned Sarah’s school principal, I was informed that Sarah was “a child at risk.”
I telephoned
her Mother and suggested that Sarah reside with me, where Sarah could be
monitored and have oversight while she corrected her ways and got on with her
schooling. Within seven days of that conversation, her Mother absconded with
our child, fled across three State lines, and took up residency in a
jurisdiction where I had no reach.
Had I
done those same actions, there would be Amber alerts, wall to wall television
coverage until the child was found, and then, I would have been swiftly
incarcerated. But, because it was her Mother that broke the same Federal and
State laws that I am bound to, there would be no repercussions, no enforcement
and no consequences.
Her
Mother would rather destroy the child, than co parent with me.
And I
would have to start over, again. Except this time, I would have to restart the documentation
to ensure access to our child with another country, another state, another
government and another school.
The
slippage of time would rob me of her 13th through 21st
birthdays. I would not know of her milestone events, her health, her academic
awards, or her graduation. There would be no Christmas or holidays together, and
my Father became collateral damage, unable to see his Grandchild. This would be
in addition, to whatever lies the child was told about me.
When
the telephone went unanswered at our scheduled calling time, her mail began to be
returned. Scrawled in her Mother’s handwriting on the envelopes and packages were the words “no longer at
this address”.
It
would be years before I could classify her Mother’s actions as “Parental
Alienation.” I’d always treated her
Mothers actions as nothing less than child abduction, albeit the discovery was
after the fact.
A
parent knows within minutes, sometimes hours, when their child is abducted. An alienated
parent doesn’t find out until much later.
The
parent of an abducted child has multiple law enforcement agencies chasing down
leads, investigating sightings and sharing information. An alienated parent has
to do their own leg work.
The
parent of an abducted child fears for their child’s life. An alienated parent fears
that the child will never recover their life.
The parent
of an abducted child knows that the longer it takes, the less likelihood the
child will be found. An alienated parent
usually starts at this point, as they learn of what has already occurred. They
are playing from behind the moment they discover that their child has been
“abducted”. For me, it was almost nine months before I uncovered that Sarah was
“a child at risk”. A perpetrator given nine
months head start knows that the authorities have little chance of catching
them.
It is
too late for my youngest daughter, Sarah. If She is still alive, She is now an
adult who chooses to have no contact with her Father. It is reasonable to
assume that Sarah was told lies by her Mother, which She accepted as truth, as I
was not physically present to refute them. My only hope is to wait until my
daughter questions one of those lies, and then seeks me out to verify. I pray
that Sarah has better critical thinking skills that Her Mother. Sarah’s Mother is also the daughter of an
alienated Father.
Before
we were married, her Mother and I were walking along the beach together when we
ran into her Father. In the weeks thereafter, Sarah’s Mother sought clarity
over the horror stories that Her Mother had told, and her Father refuted them. When
Sarah’s Mother independently verified her Father’s version, She learned that
Her Mother had manufactured the stories about her Father, in order to cover up immoral
sins. Sarah’s Mother choose not to repair the relationship with her Father, because
She could not accept that her Mother’s account of her Father’s absence in her
life, were all lies.
It is
twelve years today since I last saw my youngest daughter, Sarah. At the time
she was twelve years and thirteen days old. You can diminish the actions of her
Mother to “Parental Alienation” as much as you like, but as her Father, this is
the story of the abduction of my youngest daughter, Sarah.
